“The last time we did that was a long time ago…”, '”Are we still having enough sex then?”. Similar thoughts often cross the minds of couples in long-term relationships. Although it is completely normal and natural for sex and the urge to have sex to diminish over the years, or over periods of time, it often causes a great deal of concern. Most of the time, however, there is no need to worry, but if you want to know sexy vibrator online to do to fight against low libido, we give you some keys!
How To Use A Vibrator During Sex? Not wanting to make love: how often is it “normal”?
Do we have enough sex? This question concerns almost all couples at one point or another in their relationship. Whether it's because of stress at work or in the family, a move, the arrival of a child or simply because you don't feel interest at a time for this kind of intimacy physical. The fluctuations of our desire are completely normal according to the phases of life. These different stages of life also change the physical needs and so there are highs and lows of libido, real storms and lukewarm drafts. But when does a low libido pass a tipping point for the relationship?
Let's talk about the raw figures first: 39% of French people have sex several times a month, 31% several times a week. Less than one in four French people have sex once a month or less. Only 4% do it every day. This is what our Sexreport AMORELIE reports for the French population in 2023. Regardless of the gender of the person and the status of the relationship, the majority of French people therefore have sex on average several times a month. So is this the “right amount”?
Not at all, there is no official guide value for the ideal frequency of sexual intercourse in a couple. Nor is there a specific time (a month, a year?) when the weariness of desire becomes worrisome for the relationship – every couple is different. Sexual intimacy (or lack thereof) only poses a danger to the relationship when thoughts, anxieties or even arguments revolve around it, or when physical lack becomes a real problem.
Do Vibrators Ruin Sex: How badly do I need sex in my relationship?
It's very simple: as much as both want and need. How often does one want, how often does the other want, and what is feasible in terms of time? We meet somewhere in the middle.
According to studies and observations of psychologists, it is normal for sex to become scarce in a long-term relationship. This is neither a bad omen nor a sign of weakening love. It's often even the opposite: love has grown, the feeling of love and desire have turned into trust and a reliable partnership, in which we also share worries, fears and everyday life. As a result, priorities change and the burning passion eventually drops to a bearable temperature.
Some couples still find it difficult to separate physically after 20 years of marriage, while for others sex is not fundamental in a relationship. If both partners love each other, respect each other, get along well, and are happy and satisfied with little or no sex, that's fine. The situation only becomes problematic when no compromise can be found on a frequency that suits both and if one of the partners feels pressured because they do not have enough sex, or on the contrary, because they feel like they're depriving their partner of that physical connection.
How To Have Sex With A Vibrator? Don't feel like making love - don't worry
Beyond the emotional impact in the couple, not wanting to make love is not a rare phenomenon and is not a serious reason to worry. A decrease in libido can have very diverse causes – physical, psychological, external or tensions in the couple. It is important to determine if you do not want to make love in general or if it is due to the desire in your couple. The first case may well have hormonal, drug or psychological causes that have nothing to do with the relationship. In this case, a doctor can help you – do not hesitate to broach the subject openly and honestly.
A difficult life phase or major changes in the private, professional or family circle can also lead to a loss of libido. All the energy is then used for this and there is almost nothing left for moments of intimate connection. This is a transient phase that often resolves itself and should not be overestimated immediately. But more often than not, the urge to make love disappears on a daily basis due to routine and the absence of new sexual stimuli. This can be actively remedied – we'll explain how.
How To Use A Sex Vibrator: Tips against low libido
First of all: have fun! As long as one or both partners view sex as an obligation in the relationship (“The last time was so long…”, “We should still do it more often…”), the only thing that will come out of these moments will be frustration. Sex should be fun, completely consensual and a real moment of shared connection! For this, it is important to bring some levity back into our sex life – without pressure, expectations or the feeling of having to “make” love more.
Tip 1 – Self love
To awaken sleeping sexual desire, one must also see and feel oneself as a sexual being. Start by focusing on yourself and your body – what moments or textures arouse feelings in you, feel everything. It's so important to relearn or learn to love yourself, to feel sexy and good about yourself – in the literal sense of the word: the skin is our largest organ and needs to be taken care of. Pamper yourself with moments of relaxation just for you, guilt-free: bubble baths, peels, sauna sessions, masks, moisturizers and massages. A new haircut, trying on a new perfume, or some nice lingerie can also boost self-confidence by feeling different and confident.
Masturbation can also help regain the feeling of one's own body and one's own pleasure . Masturbation is indeed not a simple substitute for the sexual satisfaction experienced during lovemaking, but it is beneficial, healthy and rewarding for your entire love life – whether you think of your darling, Ryan Gosling or your neighbour.
Tip 2 – More distance or more proximity?
You don't want to make love because you lack closeness and connection with your partner or because you feel abandoned by him/her? Loss of libido is often linked to a gradual estrangement in the relationship. Explicitly ask him/her for more intimacy, seek closeness (physical and emotional) and spend more time with him/her – allow time for desire to bloom between you again as your connection intensifies. Still other couples just need a little distance or distance from each other (even if it's only for a day or two) so they can miss each other again. This technique can also enormously stimulate the libido. Constantly being together and always blending into one unit can be a desire killer.
Tip 3 – Look for new stimulation
Talk with your partner about your past experiences or make plans together (vacation or otherwise!) for the future. Do new things together or separately, go rock climbing or join an art class, learn a foreign language together or go out a little more with friends. Try to bring a breath of fresh air with new topics of conversation through activities to share together or to do separately to join with even more passion later – remember that the brain is our most great organ of pleasure.
Tip 4 – A journey of discovery
Sex is not just about penetration! Sex is intimacy, hugs, kisses, caresses and discoveries. Often, in long-term relationships, foreplay and intimate kissing are far too neglected. Unfortunately, sex then often boils down to the usual “in, out, finish”. Realize that your body and that of your partner have countless erogenous zones – and not just the penis or the vagina. Experiment together with sex toys or be inspired by stories or erotic novels. The goal is not to absolutely reach orgasm, but to have fun and take pleasure in this connection to the other.